I'm a foreigner. And that's okay.

I am awful at keeping you few faithful  readers up-to-date.  And for that I'm sorry.  I keep myself pretty busy, and if I'm not busy, I'm trying to catch my breath (which unlike others, I don't do through blogging).  Truth be told, the last couple months have been a bit difficult for me.  I've officially been here over a year now, and somehow my whole being realizes it.  It's been a while since I've been on American soil, seen my family, had the comforts of a typical job in a language I fully understand, had friends my age that live in my town, understood the culture fully and embraced it (or the subcultures I could easily create for myself).    I've started projects and planned small events with a bit of success.  But generally the going can be slow. 

Change is slow.  Days go by fast.  After months of planning and working towards something, sometimes there's no visible reward.  Grant writing with our mayor's hall, for example.  I sat down for hours with a Moldovan woman, grasping her ideas for the project proposal in Romanian, translating and crafting the description into English, and at the end of the day coming up empty-handed with no approval of the project.  I don’t regret the process; I learned much about the grant-writing process with Moldovans, our small town politics, and new vocab words in Romanian.  But it's tiring after a while.  Another example is planning a girls' summer camp for our region.  After hours of planning for the event hoping to win funding, here we are in June with still no funding in site.  Unfortunately, there will be no camp this summer most likely.  Once again, I don't regret the work we've done for this project; I have learned much from my time spent with Elena, my GLOW leader, and I truly enjoy her company and all the stories she shares with me.  Much of the workshops and activities we have developed for the camp will still be used one way or another.  But after a while with me and my American ways and appetite for success, I come away a bit more run-down. 

It's not necessarily a bad thing to be humbled and realize that I can't do it all.   After a cry, it's usually always what I realize in whatever country I find myself.  I'm not invincible, I am only one person, and I will be just fine.  And I am! Even though I'm a bit off balance sometimes, I am still incredibly blessed to have a family of PCVs that have my back, Moldovan's wanting me to be happy (including strangers who see me crying on the rutiera that cause me to laugh), and support of my family and friends back home.   I am one lucky gal.  But sometimes, it doesn't make life easier.  Some days, I just really miss my sister.  I really would like to know my neighbors and not feel like the foreigner.  I'd really like to go for a run without countless stares at what a crazy girl I am.  I'd really like to fit in, but I never will.  And it's okay.  It's good.  But it doesn't make it easier. 

So all this being said, I'll choose to find comfort in the words of Winston Churchill:

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” 

Onto better things and positive outlooks…  My sister and brother-in-law are coming TOMORROW!!!  I am so ready for their visit.  We'll be in Moldova 5 days and then off on a grand adventure for 11 days in several of Europe's top cities.  Life ain't so bad.  It's actually quite good.  It's just necessary to step back and reflect sometimes. 

On an unrelated note, here are a few quick links that I have found or have created that maybe you would be interested in seeing:

-A link to the premier food blog in Moldova!! (brought to you by my roommate and me): http://sfeclaspice.wordpress.com/

-My new source of endless laughter, the Remi Gaillard series on YouTube.  Just keep clicking through links.

-Our (basic) bizclub website for our students. 

Enjoy!